Recognizing the Hidden Effects of Abandonment Trauma

 When you have been abandoned emotionally, physically, or both, it leaves marks that are not always visible at first.

You might not have called it abandonment.

 You might have simply known this:

 The love, safety, and care you needed were not there.

 And somewhere deep inside, that absence shaped the way you learned to survive.

Here are some early signs you might be carrying abandonment wounds, even if you did not realize it until now:

• You fear people leaving you, even when they have not given a reason.
• You shrink yourself to be easy or less needy.
• You struggle to trust that someone's love or care is real.
• You feel you have to earn your place in people's lives.
• You feel deep shame when you make a mistake.
• You either attach quickly or pull away before someone can hurt you.
• You have trouble asking for help or emotional support.
• You often feel like an outsider, even around people you know.
• You overwork, over-give, or over-perform to prove your worth.
• You fear being a burden, so you try to handle everything alone.

I have personally identified with every one of these signs at different points throughout most of my life.  You are not alone if you see yourself here. These patterns are not a reflection of who you are. They are the echoes of what you have been through.

Sometimes, the deeper wound underneath it all is this:

Not trusting others because, deep down, you do not fully trust that you are worthy of being loved in the first place.

 When you have been abandoned, it is easy to believe that love is something you have to earn, and almost impossible to believe it could just be given freely, without conditions.

If you recognize yourself in any of these signs, you are not broken, and you are not alone.

The truth is, abandonment wounds run deep.

They shape the way we see ourselves, the way we move through the world, and the way we connect with others.

 Understanding where these patterns come from is a powerful first step. You did not cause the wounds. But you get to decide what happens now.

You learned to survive what hurt you.  Now you are learning to survive what healing asks of you too.

This part is messy.

 It is supposed to be.

 Keep going.

You are already doing the hardest part, seeing it.

-Maria